Is it love or am I in a toxic realtionship?

(This picture is to represent someone being confused on love/relationship)

(This picture is to represent someone being confused on love/relationship)

Alisson Worzella, Hour 5B

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship, could you be in one now? According to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, about 1 in 3 teens in the U.S is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner. Because of these frightening statistics, SPASH teenagers should understand the negative impact of toxic relationships and how it affects their future. 

Relationships could be good in high school but a lot of teenagers rush into them. Tasaun Shroda, a student at SPASH says that students get into relationships nowadays because society promotes a lot of romance in things like stories, books and movies as well as teenagers trying to promote being mature and adults by getting into relationships with each other. He does not think that students should be getting into relationships. In other words he thinks that a lot of relationships are not great in high school because people promote them in different ways to prove that we can be mature “adults”. Genesis, a student in UWSP, thinks that teenagers get into relationships because they want to rush into understanding themselves and she states that “unless you understand yourself you shouldn’t be in a relationship.” This goes with what Tasaun was saying about how teenagers are rushing into relationships. She’s stating that teenagers should understand themselves rather than rushing into relationships and not knowing what they want. 

 Relationships in general in high school aren’t always going to be bad. Nicholas Nugent a counselor at SPASH says relationship in high school are not bad but they are not good. He says that “They are good because you can have experiences and if they are bad schools can help.” He thinks that outside of school there is less support for someone to get if they are in a bad relationship. This is explaining that relationships are good for new experiences in high school. Even though SPASH promotes that they can help, a lot of teenagers are going to be nervous to ask for help. 

Staying in a relationship in high school is difficult, especially if they are toxic ones. If you are in a toxic relationship you might be scared to ask for help. You might think others don’t trust you or people aren’t able to help. Genesis, a student at UWSP, thinks that a reason people stay in toxic relationships is because we grow up thinking that if someone is broken we can fix it. However she states that “It’s not your responsibility to fix anyone,” this is one good example of why people stay in toxic relationships. Another reason is stated by Tasaun saying that a person would stay in a toxic relationship because there could be abuse involved or they could be emotionally attacked and too reliant on the other person and ignore the signs of the bad things that are happening to them. These could be some of the reasons why students are too scared to leave their relationship, but there could be many more. If someone does not feel safe or comfortable with their significant other, it could possibly mean that it might not be safe to leave. 

We could also address the other side of the story. Even though their is no excuse for someone to be hurting someone physically, mentally or sexually what is the other person going through to react in that way to others. Nugent says that people who are toxic to others are like an old saying “Misery loves company.” He says a lot of people feel insecure about themselves and their own relationships. “So they need to make others feel bad about themselves,” he says a lot of times it could be family issues if they are not feeling supported at school or home. They feel they have nothing to lose and try to make others feel that way as well. Although there is no excuse for their behavior, maybe we need to help those students as well or at least talk to them. 

Being in a toxic relationship can be difficult at the time but it can also affect you in the long run. According to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia those who report experiencing intimate partner violence in high school are likely to experience violence in their college relationships.  There could be many reasons how it can affect you in the future. Nugent says that yes an abusive relationship feels normal and once you get outside of school that is what you’re looking for. Then when you have kids and they see this relationship they will accept it and think that’s what love is. He states “Takes a sense of change wanting to change,” he is saying that if you’re in a toxic relationship it can be brought into your future and even to your own kids if you stay in that toxic relationship. Second statement is from Genesis saying that sometimes relationships can hurt you in the future because once you get hurt it’s hard to get over the fear of being hurt again. A similar statement from Tasaun says that relationships can definitely cause trauma and distrust and can cause bad relationships in the future. This relates to Genesis by saying how relationships now can hurt you because you have trauma from ones in the past. It can be difficult to then get into a relationship after you’re used to that love. 

High school relationships can be very difficult especially if you are in a toxic one. You should always make sure that your relationship in high school is healthy. It could affect you in the future by trauma if you do not act on it now and help yourself. It can be scary but if you need help with a toxic partner or are scared for a friend there are counselors at school or tell a friend if you are comfortable enough.