Through this cloudy lens

I peer backwards

At fragments

Trapped

In spinning memories

The knowledge of

The truth

Does not cease my longing

For 

That snorting laughing

Bursting blooms of dandelion fields

Plastic shapes hot from the sun

Screeches of opposing kickball teams

Hunching over a well worn novel

Bare feet squelching in freshly thawed mud

Soft limbs scrambling up rough bark ones

And chocolate milk sipped through a straw

It is as false as perfection

But

As I take each next step

Those memories become

Sanctuaries against 

Weighty chains 

With barbed ends that

Hungerly dig into soft flesh

And yank me back

They hook around my legs

My chest

My throat

Stealing my air 

Cutting off my words

And

Threatening to drag me

Down

Throughout the din

A word sounds in my mind

“Breathe”

Clumps of dirt cling to my sleeves

But I only brush them off 

Before pushing my

Aching body

Back up

And proceeding on

One

Step

At

A

Time